“For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, “It might have been.” John Greenleaf Whittier

The second part of the series will focus on a part of love that probably most of us have experienced-loss of a loved one. This kind of pain can be a family member, dear friend, lover, child they all can leave our lives- the result is pain and it is the kind of pain you cannot sleep off, run from or shed enough tears over.

So let’s take a quick look at the impact on the heart and brain. First off, hormones play a large part in both the agony and the ecstasy of falling in and out of love, the sword can cut both ways. The brain sees the loss the same as physical pain, for the brain there is no difference. When pain is involved the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol take over and symptoms such as nausea, breathing issues and a weakening of the heart can occur.

The scientific community actually did a study on people who recently experienced a broken heart because their partner or lover dumped them. The participants had a CAT scan which showed that the brain activity was the same as an addict going through withdrawals. In fact, biologically falling in love is like being addicted to drugs. If the love object goes away the result is two fold: the one left behind goes crazy, makes bad decisions, and spends a great deal of time ‘pining’ over the loss. In my experience, most people want to find the next fix as soon as possible to cut the pain and in many cases may repeat the same scenario. Our survival is closely tied to having some type of connection to others to the point of even enduring pain rather than be alone or excluded which may account for the number of ‘unhappy’ relationships.

The good news is that our brains are hard wired to move on. So, is there any hope or see light at the end of the tunnel? Absolutely! Even if you are tempted to crawl into a cave or isolate yourself; step into the light and connect with supportive people, family and friends! It is one of the quickest ways to alleviate pain and step onto the road to recovery. Until next time,

Cindy Massey is the author of the upcoming book ‘Evolve’ due to be released in April 2019.